The world as we know it!

So, long time no blog. I'm so lazy.
What has happened since my last blog... Let's see, here's a list:

1. Some girl sails into Sydney a hero instead of being sent to Christmas island with the rest of them.

2. Xtina decided that she can still be a slut with a new Family and started her musical comeback.

3. Facebook starts to fill up with family bible bashing bullshit.

4. Justin beiber hits his head on a revolving door.

5. People start putting jewels on their vjay-jays.

6. Jersey shore gets marked on the world map with 8 kids going apeshit.

7. No-one is ever going to ask what Willis is talking about ever again.

8. Ke$ha announced that she doesn't use auto-tune, must be some other tuning software.

9. Lost finished with the death of the whole cast... As if you didn't see that coming.

10. 3D movies and tv revolution began, bring on the porn offerings.

11. Kylie minogue finally comes up with some new songs. But fails to appeal to anyone who isn't a gay oldy.

12. Lady gaga rules the world!

13. Bp gives out free oil to the dolphins and whales only to want to say they want it back!

14. US president cancels his trip yet again, claiming bad oil stealing shrimp on the BBQ is not good enough. 

15. Your mum came over. 

Let's see if I can keep this up. So many things happening lately with much to write about. Let's see if we can get the rainbows smashing the world.

A!DOS

Visitors declare "we are at peace" while the party continues in the Wedding Cantina.

A wedding is the ultimate ceremony for bringing two special people together.
One thing that isn't usually considered is the fact that it also brings family together. You may think that it is a positive thing for so many people you love, to be in the same room, but is bringing all the family together in one place really such a good idea?
And in some instances, do you think they are there purely for the love alone?

On a nice warm Saturday afternoon a wedding took place beside the river, during the proceedings the Visitors declared to be at peace. But these Visitors were not your typical alien race bent on destroying the planet and its people, they came from more well known areas in our own backyard. These Visitors, dressed to impress and carrying themselves with smiles and modesty, were actually struggling to hold back the urge their alien counterparts prominently display.

The Bride and Groom. Mice. Perfect for the kill of such cunning reptilian beasts. These Visitors, ready to rip of their human disguises for the chance to devour are the wedding party’s extended family.
Eyeing the bride, walking right into their trap. Bride oblivious, but a face with a smile. Chatter growing louder and louder about the colour choices, the actions being taken and the ultimate destination for demise of such young prey.
It is only a matter of time before these reptiles will see if their calculated comments become a real world plan as the bride and groom are attacked slowly over the next few years by the visitor’s actions.

Bride and groom wed safely and the local community hall transforms.

The Cantina is open for business.

Twi’leck’s dancing, Jabba the Hutt yelling at kids using the jukebox and Ewok’s running around without supervision. Jaja juice the main drink of the night, with food supplies finished with a Rancor size version of seconds for the Hutt’s.
Unclear words from all parties spoken, the cantina closes with utter disappointment as the Jedi leave after Mr G – Naughty Girl becomes censored by Jabba’s dislike of anything older than the 50’s.

Although the visitors came to eat the wedding party alive, the wedding party lives to see another day. The visitors came with cruel intentions, but failed to defeat the humans and sith alike with words alone.
The fight continues and will continue until either the visitors are dead, or the mice are eaten.

A!



Below is the Visitors interpretation of the party:

The Invisible - so long after first post!

Thank you Steve for your interesting post regarding my Australia Post affairs!
It seems I am not the only one with dislike for this organisation.

Also thank you for my patient readers! I had accidently forgotten to take off my Invisibility cloak whilst TWiF's were rampaging the streets....
I am a harry potter fan deep down... just like everyone else!

With exam's over, the sun hot... I can finally begin my blogging days a new.
BTW, those who know me well... look out for your Birthday Circus Invitations! Britney's Circus Concert is nothing compared! It's A!DOS Bitch!

A!

Minez nam iz Stevez.

My humanz not updatez site as theyz waz crying becauz theyz use
Australia post forz shipping goods. Only I canz console themz.

Stupid humanz are dumbest petz.

Stevez €

Lions, Tigers and Werewolves - Twilight Teddies and True Bitches

Six million seven hundred and seventy thousand.
This might seem like an insignificant number to most, but underneath a full moon or during an eclipse it may bleed you dry. If you think it is an indication of the amount of TwiF's (Twilight Fan's) than you would be mistaken. This number is the Google result of girls, gay boys and grandmas who have made reference to Edward Cullen. Presumably these references were made post release of what is a self proclaimed awesome vampire experience. Magically this proclamation rose into the midnight sky unnoticed. But regardless, underneath the average TwiF's furry exterior it is apparent that animal instinct and repressed teddy cuddling is the main driving force of this mystical phenomenon.

What one writer believes is a successful visual representation of her work is easily broken down into simple algorithms.

Twilight:
Spray abs + Calcium deficiency + Possessiveness = Edward Cullen
Baby face + Illegal steroids + Possessiveness = Jacob Black
Annoying + Demanding + Just cut yourself already = Bella Swan

Edward Cullen + Jacob Black + Bella Swan = Wont you just shut up already and stop whinging. This is supposed to be about vampires and werewolves you know!

These simple algorythms have been debated around me on various ocassions. But a more dark and sinister discussion always takes place regarding the ultimate TWiF obsession. Who is sexier. The girly manboy with coloured contacts Edward Cullen or the steroid abusing pretty poor boy Jacob Black.

After the sun comes out it is quite simple to answer such a question. Jacob Black.
I mean after you spend the night with Edward Cullen, would you then want to spend the morning using his fresh ashes as Milo when your mum forgot to buy some (Sorry TWiF's I forgot that he doesn’t burn in the sun). I will rephrase. Let’s face it, I don’t think there is room for any vampire who uses barbie body glitter to attract attention. Feel free to debate in the 'my comments' section below, but you know deep down I am right.

Now that I can relax after the winner has been announced, I would like to introduce all you TWiF's reading this, to something that is a bit more true to folk lore and true scientific fact.

True Blood not only bit a huge chunk of Buffy's dead fan base, but it also drank the blood of critics so as only a whimper of raspy objections could be heard. Not only does it use scientific fact in the basis of its creation, it has also glamoured numerous awards for its efforts.

So you ask TWiF's, now use this supposedly more interesting and mystery riddled show in my algorithm.

True Blood:
Old + Overprotective + Bitch ex-girlfriend = Bill Compton
Very Old + Long blonde hair + Modern Coolness = Eric
Southern Accent + Tight Uniform + Acting skills = Sookie Stackhouse
Muscles + Dumb + Ready to go anytime = Jason Stackhouse

Bill Compton + Eric + Sookie Stackhouse + Jason Stackhouse = Kill Kill Kill. Nudity Nudity Nudity.

Hmmm I think the comparison is quite clear. I mean who would settle for Toy Story Disney vampires and their lovable safe friends. I know I prefer my drink served at warm micro waved temperature.

Although it is hard to compare bottled blood television to blood sucking million dollar cinema, a Newish but repetitive moon for all the crazed take anything vampire fans out there is due this month. If the TWailer is any representation of the blood candy available from the cinema candy bar, then girls and boys alike will be sinking their teeth in for another suck fest.

A!



Here is something to please TWiF's and True Bitches alike.

Puppets Are Us - Poker Face Is On My Radar

Virgin is an ironic name for an airline.
Especially when one of the worlds biggest, naughtiest and sometimes dirtiest pop princess' touched down with them in the middle of nowhere Australia yesterday morning. I guess "if you seek Amy" then virgin airlines would be the way to fly!

Britney may be one of the biggest dark crystal puppets I have seen, but when she lip syncs she does it perfect! Why wouldn't you want to buy a ticket to watch her perform moves from everyones favorite pornographic films, I know I am! Well to be honest, I actually bought two tickets. It's all to do with the show. One girl fighting with pepsi for drinking coke, another adopting orphans for bribery.

My favorite 'repeat one' song right now is "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga.
Lady Gaga drives me gaga for gaga's sake. Except I'm not sure I want to be gagagagging when it was never confirmed what was actually in her pants.
That pants pondering mystery will still need to stay featured on 'unsolved mysteries' until a later date. Regardless of any 'disco stick' she may have, Lady Gaga is proving to be one great performer without Jim henson's puppertry production values. She is showing greater depth with every song and her artistic finesse is shining in every video................

"I'm gonna let you Finish, but Britney does not lip sync......."

Man, kanye is a douche. Well I am a bit lost for words now, as some people seem to refer to themselves as GOD. Hmmm maybe Kanye is the guy who brought Tupac back to life. He has been spotted in heaps of college frat house photos, but so has many other a dead gangster rapper.

Anyhow, her majesty Britney is now on our mad max turf, with Lady Gaga not far behind. Let's see how many gypsie's escape from the circus and how many alcoholics can't find there keys or lost there phone. One thing is for sure. If you want to stop me going to the concerts you will have to be corny and "hit me baby one more time", so shut up and "just dance"!

A!

The Beginning - 2 days after first Steve infection

I think a lot, and sometimes it hurts. But as I was thinking this morning, I had an idea! Finally sitting down and creating something that is more personal than twitter or facebook, more interesting then my left4dead zombies having make believe high heels because I keep messing up the game and more exciting than my other attempts at pipe-dream blogging.

This idea came to me at a time I feel most infected. The world has finally caught up with the many things I do on a weekly basis and I am struggling to camp high enough in a corner and hope it will walk by. Tired, confused and SAP are a few emotions which hover above my head in a green diamond. Floating high, nice and shiny all bright green, until there is a new unexpected arrival. Diamonds flash red and minus signs appear all over my face.

The day the pets expansion was downloaded without my permission, was a sad day with smiles. I had no say in what Steve would be, or look like, but I cant help but cuddle up to my precious new feline friend.

Steve is the new addition to my already pirated range of games, but I can't say no to him. I am going to post many photo's of this new infectious drug, just like I will comment on my impressions of how the Australian classification board let the gaming community down. How I will post and comment on the funniest pictures of DO's and DO NOT'S and how I will say anything I want from my very warped and single-minded point of view.

Steve will also make an appearance like James Earl Jones in Star Wars Episode III and voice his very dangerous opinion. All that is asked of you is to accept Steve and Myself into your RSS Feed, Friends List, Bookmarks and Favorites and "Strap On" I mean "Strap In" (Stupid Transformers 2 actress Izabel Lucas) for an ample but interesting roallercoaster.

A!